Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
