marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
