You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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