He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
