Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
