Ketchup is God's man juice
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
