so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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