I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
