things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
