I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
