So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
