If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
