WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
