I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
