I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
