My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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