too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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