I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
