apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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