I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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