p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
