Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
4 words: hood of his car
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
