sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
