jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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