dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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