Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
