He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You can't motorboat a personality
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
