just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
