I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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