So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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