theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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