I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so that wasnt chicken after all
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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