I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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