Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
