first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Panties = found
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
