I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
