Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
