Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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