Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
