3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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