i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
