I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
