Don't you send me to vm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
