I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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