He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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