Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
