if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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