the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
