Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
