Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So many bounce houses so little time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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