and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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