Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
